1. |
slave to reaction
02:56
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There’s something you’re not saying…I can hear it in your voice
Some way still betraying… every single conscious choice
A slave to reaction… to all the ways your sense is met
Still find an attraction…. To the things that haven’t happened yet
There’s life suffocating… beneath the field of regrets
Steadily anticipating… all the fears the past has left
Find ourselves stuck in contraptions…. Created by our own design
Realize the lies never happen… it’s only perceived in your mind
Intrigue is dissipating … I can feel it drift away
So the brain starts creating…. A facade to fill the vacant place
It starts to take traction… the truth is left beyond the dream
And to your dissatisfaction… convince your self of your own schemes
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2. |
paranoid
02:30
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One thing that I can rely on is
Nothing will ever make sense again
Medication tells me I’ve been missing out
I’ve reservations but I’m not sure just what about
Can you help me make up my mind
Undo the blindfold over my eyes
Answer the questions I debate about
I’m unsure I’m conflicted and I have my doubts
Do you think that you can fill this void?
Am I, am I just paranoid?
Is there anywhere else that I should be?
Why are the shadows always hanging over me?
There are things I never want to repeat
so strange the way it knocks me off my feet
memories of the things that id never say
no release history cant be erased
will you help me to repair my brain
undo the things that cause me so much pain
answer the questions I can not escape
im unsure exactly what it would take
Do you think that you can fill this void?
Am I, am I just paranoid?
Is there anywhere else that I should be?
Why are the shadows always hanging over me?
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3. |
question of despair
03:33
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I don’t think I quite understand the question
There’s nothing I comprehend less than my own lessons
Confronted by daylight, blindsided by confessions
From voices I haven’t spoken probably since the great repression
And you’re looking for a reason that simply doesn’t subsist
I drifted between timelines and only exist in the rift
I’ve shoveled my doubts from this pit of existential despair
Until I’m covered twice over in the fact I couldn’t beg myself to care
Perception is ever changing perhaps it can only be this way
Suggestion swallows reflection and I argue with what I didn’t say
Taking time to forget where it started but I always knew how it would end
Watching the world through a hole in my head as it just spins and spins
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4. |
mania
03:35
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What's left when the mania fades?
And depression has taken its place
Confidence turns into regrets
Paranoia sinks its teeth in your neck
Intrusive thoughts take over your mind
Look deep for clarity but there’s nothing to find
Crawl across the empty space in your head
Question everything you ever wrote sang or said
Where do you turn when sense of self dissipates?
Chest caves in, crushed beneath the weight
Of decisions that still haunt your dreams
The ones you never made that still split the seams
Fear and panic fill the void in your heart
Everything you worked for suddenly falls apart
Anxiety rings in your ears like the voice
That consistently insists you've made the wrong choice
Who are you now caught in this cyclical cycle?
The highest highs bring lower lows after a while
Euphoria fades away and guilt sets in
What once was fun turns to reckless obsession
Everything that ever made you feel good
Has left you vacant like your fears said it would
All the waves that once swelled have crashed
And pains the only thing that ever seems to last
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5. |
departure
02:02
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departure is eminent choice is only what length of rope
the moon creates whirlwinds from devastation to loss of hope
shadows walk within me their voices reverberate
blood stains my memory is this too much to take?
from the end to the starting line
confusion and clarity align
like the stars in a grand design
will they find us this life and shine?
departure is eminent choice is only what length of rope
the moon creates whirlwinds from devastation to loss of hope
shadows walk within me their voices reverberate
blood stains my memory is this too much to take?
thoughts incessant as they approach
cities center before the crowd
our choices built our own gallows
silence resonates so damn loud
departure is eminent choice is only what length of rope
the moon creates whirlwinds from devastation to loss of hope
shadows walk within me their voices reverberate
blood stains my memory is this too much to take?
demons slip off of your shoulder
ghosts retreat from my heart
time is flawless as i grow colder
i saw this coming before the start
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6. |
nervous wreck
03:33
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Depression is a mental condition characterized
by feelings of severe despondency and dejection
typically accompanied by feelings of inadequacy
and guilt, often creating a sense of self rejection
Slowly taking in every breath
Desperately trying not to be seen
As the volatile nervous wreck
That I was before I got clean
Behaviors and patterns, they stick
Engrained in our brains once conditioned
the anxieties make me feel so sick
Depression lingers throughout my existence
I cant let it out
I cant make any sense
I cant hear myself shout
Is there any point to this?
I cant take the sound
I cant get off this fence
I cant stay above ground
is there any reason to persist?
Secretly always trying to hide
Maps drawn in scars on my arms
Just trying to hang on for the ride
Outgrow all of these patterns of self-harm
From the drink to the line to the knife
Anything to let serotonin flood
A slave to addiction all my life
Chasing dopamine while draining the blood
I cant let it out
I cant make any sense
I cant hear myself shout
Is there any point to this?
I cant take the sound
I cant get off this fence
I cant stay above ground
is there any reason to persist?
Anticipating what might never come
Overthinking, tormenting my mind
I’m growing cold, I’m growing numb
Cant see past this, there is nothing to find
Depression sinks and my heart sinks with it
So much weight crushing down all the time
All the pain, fear and worry are relentless
Is this all that I have to call mine?
I cant let it out
I cant make any sense
I cant hear myself shout
Is there any point to this?
I cant take the sound
I cant get off this fence
I cant stay above ground
is there any reason to persist?
Depression is a mental condition characterized
by feelings of severe despondency and dejection
typically accompanied by feelings of inadequacy
and guilt, often creating a sense of self rejection
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7. |
how can i explain?
03:32
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What darkness has left, in the sliver of light
Through the crack in the door, it just doesn’t feel right
The time that it takes is gone, I’m not sure for how long
A dream smothered, slowly choking on regret
Delivering the memories, that you could never forget
What was taken will not return, its impression I can’t unlearn
Feel so full of rage, so saturated in confusion
For all the things that stayed, I lost more to the illusion
Were built stronger out of scars, so how can I explain
How I can only go so far, confidence washed down the drain
Answers lie beneath the buried, in a bed of callous thought
Never seemed in such a hurry, till I questioned what I lost
Now they’re clawing at the gate, they’re coming but its far too late
Repair is on the horizon, but keeps setting with the sun
Always slightly out of reach, retracts as fast as you can run
And the pattern spirals down, my hands are tied my feet are bound
Feel so full of rage, so saturated in confusion
For all the things that stayed, I lost more to the illusion
Were built stronger out of scars, so how can I explain
How I can only go so far, confidence washed down the drain
Lucidly wandering through, taking note of the loss
Wondering what have I gained, quietly counting the cost
And the pain that so deeply branded, my heart and left me stranded
On the edge of a nightmare, desperately trying to wake
But every time my eyes open, it repeats more than I can take
The dream plays out endlessly, my perpetual misery
Feel so full of rage, so saturated in confusion
For all the things that stayed, I lost more to the illusion
Were built stronger out of scars, so how can I explain
How I can only go so far, confidence washed down the drain
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8. |
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is every day just a puzzle piece to passing time
where the pieces fit together but the picture's painted white
a bleak existence don't you know it is a crime
but my passion seems to lost all sense of time
a wise man once told me but i never wrote it down
keep record of your dreams and it all makes sense now
i had to take it seriously laugh it off as a joke
cause nothing is as it seems, and that's my only hope
the second hand keeps moving but the minute gear is jammed
the hour's ticking patiently back toward where it began
but its memory, has been lost
have no idea how much these repairs will cost
a wise man once told me but i never wrote it down
keep record of your dreams and it all makes sense now
i had to take it seriously laugh it off as a joke
cause nothing is as it seems, and that's my only hope
a twisted forest lines the outskirts of my mind
these dark and narrow pathways make the answers hard to find
the question drifts downstream but the stream just loops around
the answers beyond the dream but this dream's on rocky ground
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9. |
unknown reflections
02:37
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I believe that I just realized the depth
Of the lack of significance I am willing to accept
And the basic conjunction of raw emotion
You can group together to explain prior commotion
I feel as if I’m becoming inept
To live the dreams I had when I never slept
I feel it breathing down my neck
Reminding me of all the memories I never kept
I hope that I’m not waking the dead
Resurrecting these thoughts that took so long to shed
Create conversation with the ghost that became
Of all the times I tried to so hard to tame by brain
I feel as if I’m becoming inept
To live the dreams I had when I never slept
I feel it breathing down my neck
Reminding me of all the memories I never kept
I think that I will never feel ok
Not sure what it is but it gnaws constantly away
Till I feel withered, hopeless, tired and sick
In my stomach in my head pain cuts so deep and quick
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10. |
shadow of our dreams
02:40
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Wandering through the abstract
Lost deep within the design
We're strangling all contact
Its time that we resign
From the vivid memories
That flash by repetitiously
Through the shadow of our dreams
Ever so suspiciously
Still I know
At the end of everything
There are no angels
Only devils with broken wings
A distorted sense of self
Developed haphazardly in faith
That our only sense of wealth
Is the chaos we embrace
From the depths of our beating heart
Regret mistakes that tore us apart
Seemingly doomed from the start
We're each responsible for our own part
Still I know
At the end of everything
There are no angels
Only devils with broken wings
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